6 Steps to Breaking Off an Emotional Affair

Posted on 23rd February 2011 in Emotional Affair

How to End an Emotional Affair

Is your relationship being affected by an emotional affair?

tips for ending an emotional affair

These types of affairs are the most difficult to deal with because they can be both intentional and unintentional. Did you know that a recent poll taken suggested that over 75% of couples had been involved in an emotional affair but only 15% of those couples knew what the classic emotional affair signs were?

I’m not going to focus on what the signs are today, I’ve already done that in a previous post, but what I am going to tell you is how to end an emotional affair if you think you’re in one.

As I mentioned before, emotional affairs are quite difficult to define but they can be just as devastating to a relationship as a regular sexual affair, if not worse. The usually start out small and innocent, an email here, a text message there with a few innocent flirtations in between. However what started out as a simple friendship can blossom into something more, taking on a life of its own leaving a wake of devastation behind.

If you’ve realized that you’re in an emotional affair and want to break it off, I’m going to give you 6 tips that can help you do this.

Break It Off

The first thing you need to do is to stop the betrayal. If you’ve been texting or emailing the other person, tell them it’s got to stop. You may have to de-friend them on Facebook and stop following their tweets, but it’s important that you establish clear lines as to where your relationship stands. This can be even more difficult is the person is a co-worker. If this is the case, you may need to stop going to lunch with them and only interact with them on a professional basis.

Once you’ve made the decision to end the emotional affair, don’t try and go back to the buddy phase where you just hang out because that will send mixed signals and confuse both you and the other person.

 Come Clean With Your Partner

The most difficult part of this process is going to be coming clean with your partner, but this is better than them putting the pieces together and finding out themselves. You may justify the situation by telling yourself that you don’t have to tell your partner because there was no sex involved, but emotional affairs often lead to sex because of the emotional connection we feel to the other person and not our partner. Do yourself a favor and tell them, you’ll find that they’ll thank you for your honesty and be willing to work with you on both the emotional aspects of your relationship as well as the physical part too.

Be Responsible

The biggest mistake you can make is to blame your partner for making you have an emotional affair. Own it. Admit that you were wrong and deliver a heartfelt apology, not just an “I’m sorry.” Tap into your partner’s feelings and share their pain with them by reversing the situation. How would you feel if this happened to you?

Give Them Space

.Another big mistake that you can make is to smother your partner with affection, don’t do this. Give them the space they need to deal with their feelings and work out the relationship on their own terms. Allow them to control the conversation and the agenda when you talk about the issue. They are allowed to be angry with you so let them, also honestly answer any and all questions that they ask about the relationship.

Look Inside Yourself

If you really want to fix your relationship you need to do some soul searching and figure out why the affair took place. Were you trying to get back at your partner for something? Were you bored with your current relationship? It’s important that you honestly identify the feelings that lead you to stray so you don’t do it again.

Give Your Partner Time

Aside from giving your partner space to heal, you also need to give them time. Don’t get angry with them because they haven’t forgiven you in a few days, remember you’re the one that cheated, not them.

Your relationship will probably go through some “ups” and “downs” but is you follow these 6 steps and demonstrate a renewed commitment to your partner you will have the strength to end the emotional affair and they will forgive you and your relationship will be stronger in the end..

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  1. alan mccoy October 31, 2011 at 7:39 am - Reply

    became friends with coworker. got out of hand.

    • admin November 2, 2011 at 9:40 am - Reply

      How long did it last?

  2. Tammy June 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm - Reply

    What if I want to end the affair but I don’t want to end the friendship? I have been in this emotional long distance affair for four years now. We have seen each other in over twenty years – since after high school. We are both married. I can’t imagine not having his friendship. I wish I could go back, but I can’t. Now what? I am tired of living a lie and being dishonest. This is not who I want to be.

    • admin June 2, 2012 at 6:03 pm - Reply

      What kinds of things are you doing to contribute to the emotional affair? Are you sending pictures or is it only email/texting?

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