Many women ask: “Can I really love my husband again after cheating on me?” The answer to this question might surprise you and it’s more common than you think.
Frequently I read forum posts from women who are trying to put the pieces of their lives back together after an affair. I recently read a post from a woman desperately trying to save her marriage after her husband’s affair. However, she found that there were some roadblocks that prevented her from being able to do this.
She was still filled with anger and resentment and she said, in part: “If I’m being honest, I don’t think I’m in love with my husband anymore. You’ll never know how much pain he’s caused me. The man I married would’ve never cheated on me. So, even though he’s still the father of our kids and has been a key part of my life, I’m not in love with what he did to me. But there’s a “catch 22″, I don’t want to be a single, middle aged woman either. I guess what I really want is to save my marriage, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to love my husband the same way again. I want to try, but I don’t think it will ever happen.”
These concerns are very common. Affairs have the ability to kill feelings of love and security towards our partner for a while. And while some people never get these loving feelings back (or even want to,) many are able to. It takes time to clear away the muck and the underlying issues that surround your relationship.
Don’t Focus On Falling In Love:
Most women will admit that they haven’t started the healing process only because they don’t know where to start or what to do.
Before you focus on your feelings towards him, work on fixing the foundation of your marriage so your feelings have a strong base. You’re asking too much of yourself if you’re trying to force loving feelings when your husband hasn’t shown your remorse, rehabilitation, or a workable plan. If your husband hasn’t apologized, broken off the affair and started to establish predictable patterns again with you, let him know you need these things in order to move on.
As I mentioned earlier, this takes time. It’s not going to happen overnight and when you don’t focus on yourself first what ends up happening is you impede the progress in your relationship because you’re not ready to deal with everything else later on.
Love Yourself First and Everything Else Will Follow:
Too often women place too much focus on their husbands at this point in time and in doing so they forget about themselves. Affairs damage relationships and they destroy self confidence and self-esteem.
As much as it might feel foreign to you or even selfish, it’s important that you worry more about what makes you happy before you worry about everyone else. This doesn’t mean that you need to or should make any lasting decisions while you are still confused, but there is nothing wrong with taking small steps and moving toward things that feel positive to you.
Focus On Loving Feelings Before Trying To Fall Back In Love:
Many people want too much too fast in regards to their feelings after an affair. Many women feel that they can’t stand the sight of their husband, but at the same time want to feel that love connection with them again. It usually doesn’t work that way. It helps to take it very slowly and reestablish a trust followed by a new connection.
After you’re comfortable with each other and can spend time together without arguing, take time to create a new life for the both of you by doing new things together. And what you really want is to create something better and new. However when you rush things, you ultimately stop your progress dead in its tracks.
As your husband starts to change his life you will start to become more open and affectionate with him and your loving and romantic feelings will start to come back as well. The next step is to focus on the connection and the relationship so that you will both feel “in love” all over again.
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