How Long Should I Wait Before I Take My Husband Back After His Affair?

Posted on 26th April 2012 in Cheating Spouse

How Long Should I Wait Before I Take My Husband Back After His Affair?Question:

How long should I stay separated from my husband after his affair? I found out that he cheated on me 3 months ago and I kicked him out right after that because I couldn’t stand the sight of him.

Recently he’s started to beg me to take him back and repeatedly asks for my forgiveness but I’m not sure if I’m ready to have him move back home and forgive him for what he did to me.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I’m warming up to the idea of letting him back into my life because I really do miss him and want our marriage to work, but I also want to make sure he’s never going to cheat on me again.

I just figure that if I make him wait it out a little longer that he’ll be more appreciative of me and want to work harder to save our marriage. When is the right time to let your husband move back in after being temporarily separated after an affair?

Answer:

It’s normal for a woman to create and action plan to make sure that her husband will never stray from their marriage again.

In general, most women feel that prolonging the separation period will help their husband feel more remorse and shame for what he did so as to make him do anything to get back in her good books and save the marriage.

However, there isn’t a concrete answer to this question. Some women use their own feelings and emotions as a guide while others simply see how their husbands react and use that as a guideline and lastly there are some women out there that will hold out and make it last for as long as they can.

So although I can’t really give you an exact time period when it comes to being separated after an affair, I can and will give you a few guidelines that will help influence your decision.

Don’t Allow Yourself To Be Pressured Into A Decision That You Are Not Ready For

When it comes to taking your husband back after an affair, never allow yourself to be pressured into making a decision. In many instances, your husband will tell you how much he misses you and the kids and that he’s ready to come back home.

He’ll tell you how much he’s learned from his mistake that being apart from you is killing him and that he can’t take it anymore.

What he’s trying to do here is to wear you down to the point where you just give in and let him back into your life.

However, there’s something you need to remember here. You initiated the situation here and so it’s important for you to sort out your feelings in your own time and in your own way.

Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t let your husband come back home, but you do need to have perspective on the current situation.

If you’re ready and willing to let him back into your life and he wants to come back, then let him. But if you’re still thinking things over don’t get pressured into making a decision that you’re really not ready for.

If your husband truly loves you and wants to make things right in your marriage he’ll wait and respect your decision.

Don’t Make A Decision Just To Make A Point

I have no doubt that if you and your husband are separated that still love him and miss him and there’s a part of you that wants to let him come back home. However there’s also a little part of you that wants to hold out a little longer to try and prove a point and make him sweat it out.

Perhaps you feel that the longer you make him wait it out, the better off you’ll be when he does come home. While I understand this mode of thinking I want to tell you that it could backfire.

There’s a small chance that your husband could lose patience with you and become resentful towards you and your actions. At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself if playing games with your husband will advance your position and improve your relationship.

So When Is The Right Time To Let Him Back Into Your Life?

As I mentioned earlier there is no really right or wrong answer to this question. Most women just have a feeling of when the time is right to let their man back into their life. I agree with this. I think that you should listen to your feelings when it comes to letting him back into your life, but it needs to be predicated on a few things or else you will always have doubts.

1. The cheating has stopped.

2. You both want to save the marriage.

3. You have a plan in place to work on your marriage going forward.

If you don’t have these 3 things sorted out in your relationship then it’s not time to take him back. However, if you believe that your husband is truly remorseful for his actions and is ready to make a positive change in his life, then I wouldn’t risk playing games just to make a point.

At the end of the day if you have any questions or doubts about the 3 things listed above then hold off a little while longer until you are sure the time is right. The decision to let him back into your life is yours and yours alone and it needs to be made when you’re emotionally ready to accept him and he’s ready to move forward.

Get Your Free Surviving an Affair Report!
Get Your Free Surviving an Affair Report!

Get instant access and uncover the 21-most effective steps marriage counselors are using to help their clients survive an affair without breaking the bank!

 

Add your name and email below to receive this report and our FREE email course for surviving the affair.

 
 

Leave A Response »