My husband just admitted that he cheated on me and now he’s telling me how sorry he is. How do I know I can believe what he’s saying? Will I ever be able to trust him again?
The short answer is yes. Most men are remorseful after an affair.
Most men in fact feel guilt during the affair, but the full brunt of the guilt isn’t truly felt until the affair is over and they’re left trying to piece their broken life together.
What happens to them is they see the look of hurt and anger on your face and how they’ve changed your life forever and their world comes crashing down on them in the same way yours did on you. Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying, I’m not condoning their actions, but what I am telling you is that they’re not lying to you every time they tell you they’re sorry.
I want to share a few comments from husbands trying to show their wives how sorry they are. ( Chances are you’ve already heard something like this from yours, but I think it also helps to know that many husbands echo the same things to someone they don’t know.)
Has your husband said: ” Is there a way to convince my wife I’m sorry for my one terrible mistake? I just need one more chance and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to her.”
And maybe you’ve heard this before: ” My wife thinks I’m a selfish monster. She refuses to belive me that I’m sorry for my one mistake. It’s not going to happen again, but she won’t give me a chance to prove myself to her because she thinks I’m horrible.”
Listen To Him And Look At His Actions
I think it’s fair to say that someone who cheats repeatedly is less likely to feel sorry for their actions than someone who does it just once. But I don’t belive that they can never change and become a different person either. However, in most cases the sorrow of the one time cheater is more guenuine. And when women let them back into their lives and marriages, these men make very good and loyal husbands because they’ve been given a second chance and have learned from their mistake.
If this is where you’re at with your husband, he’ll often repeat the same thing over and over because he’s trying to convince you that he’s sorry. Maybe he’s already explained what he did and why he did it or maybe he hasn’t. Perhaps he doesn’t fully understand why he did it and doesn’t want to dwell on the details.
But at the end of the day, it’s his sorrow and remorsefulness that’s he’s trying to get you to recognize. It’s up to you whether or not you belive him, but this is a call you should make while listening to his words and watching his actions in the following days and months. If he’s genuinely sorry for the affair then he’ll do everthing in his power to make it right again by making you and your marriage a top priority in his life.
He’ll do this by being home with your regularly and developing patterns of trust through his actions. He’ll stop sneaking and hiding things from you by making is life an open book. You might have to point some of these things out to him and explain what he needs to do and what that should look like, but once you’re both on the same page if he’s truly sorry, he’ll do his best to give you everything he’s got.