My Husband Won’t End His Affair – What Should I Do? Part 1

Posted on 15th June 2011 in Cheating Spouse

Cheating in a relationshipIs there anything you can do if your husband is having an affair but doesn’t want to end it? This is a common concern for many women and one not to be taken lightly. I read a post the other day about a woman in this exact situation. In it she stated that her husband had admitted to having an affair with an office co-worker and that he was sorry for being unfaithful to his wife. He told her that he took all responsibility for his actions and reassured her that he still loved her and the kids.

The real problem was that her husband was unwilling to end the affair saying that he “wanted to see where things went” because he was feeling conflicted and confused at the moment. This shocked the wife to no end. How could she possibly be expected to deal with him on a daily basis knowing that he was still carrying on a relationship with the other woman?

The wife’s feelings in this instance are completely justified. Affairs by themselves come with a lot of baggage but having the other woman in the picture makes things even more difficult. At this juncture in the relationship the wife felt it was for the best if she confronted the other woman and told her to back off her husband. However, I in my opinion, her time would be better spent focusing on her husband and I’ll explain why.

 Justifying the Affair

In this case, the husband justifies his affair by taking responsibility for his actions and saying he’s sorry but still continues the affair. His refusal to draw a line in the sand where his relationships are concerned shows two things: First it shows that he wants to hold onto both relationships because he can’t decide which one he values most. And secondly it shows that neither relationship is important enough to be made exclusive despite what he says.

It’s clear that these were extremely tough ideas for the wife to face given that her first instinct was to try and save her marriage. This wasn’t how things were supposed to end up and she had always felt that they were happy with each other.

But at the end of the day the situation as it stands is still unacceptable. The wife couldn’t operate in a crowd of 3 and needed to make this known to him. However her biggest fear was that by forcing him to make a decision, she would push him further into the other woman’s arms. However what she may not have considered is that this kind of pressure is usually applied by the other woman towards her, that is to leave his wife for her. And since he has still somewhat chosen to stay married, that tells me that he understands the amount of time and effort he’s invested in the marriage.

Part 2 of this article series focuses on being assertive and drawing boundaries that enable you to progress as an individual even though your husband’s having an affair while at the same time slowly making him choose you over the other woman without him feeling threatened.

 

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2 Comments »

  1. Kelly webber July 14, 2012 at 10:32 am - Reply

    My husband is having an affair even knowing his military cAreer is on the line. They can’t go public with it because the are both in the military. He begged me not to move and take the kids away. How should I act? We are forced to live in the same house?

  2. Beresar May 22, 2013 at 12:12 am - Reply

    Very late reply to Kelly, but just in case you are still married to that cheating scum, I might as well tell it how it is. He wants to be with another woman, keep his job and still be with the kids. All the while he wants you to play dumb, keep quiet about him and also not look for someone else better suited for marriage. He takes from you and gives nothing. As much a good father he can be, you must choose your mate for his potential as a husband, not a father. This makes sense now much more than ever because your kids father will still be him, but your new husband can be someone else actually able to respect you and give you a satisfying relationship with him. He is being selfish at your expense, I don’t see why you shouldn’t do the same, especially since he’s put you up to this mess. As of now, you are married, but only he gets to be appreciated, loved and respected. Divorce, but only expose him if you think he deserves to be seen for what he is. You should go for shared custody nontheless, he may have no integrity, but that is detrimental to his partner, not your kids, that need healthy relationships with their parents. Also avoid contact with the other woman, she means nothing to you anyways. Hope this actually helps someone struggling to acknowledge their situation.

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